B.G.M. Seeks an End to Police Brutality and Full Marriage Equality for All...and the two DON'T CONFLICT

This week I felt that all of intersections collided together. This past Monday, Freddie Gray, the 25 year old Baltimore native who was killed while in police custody, was laid to rest.  Following his funeral, several Baltimore citizens took to the streets to protest. Several people were injured and property destroyed. The incident was characterized as a riot. I am being very careful in how I describe this incident because I wasn't there and I am not going to contribute to the inaccurate characterization of this event.

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court heard the oral arguments in Obergefell v. Hodges, the case that could lead to marriage equality in all 50 states. It was great to see a diverse array of people protesting outside of the Supreme Court in support of marriage equality.

The Intersections

As a black gay man, I am apart of both of these movements. As a black man, I understand what it feels like to be discriminated on the basis of race and feel that your life innately is not considered equal to white lives. I understand what it feels like to be denied equal access to upward mobility because of your race. I understand and have experienced negative experiences with law enforcement without provocation. Freddie Gray was killed while in police custody and no one has been punished. This creates the feeling that as a black man, my life and the lives of other black people are considered to be expendable. So, I understand why what happened in Baltimore happened. When you see all the systemic issues that you deal with as a black person come to a head with no solutions in sight, you get mad. Let me be clear. I support civil disobedience. I support protesting. I do not support theft. I do not support the destruction of public property, especially in our own neighborhoods. However, I do think we need to be careful with how we characterize what is going on in Baltimore. I completely disagree with a lot of the coverage that characterizes all the actions taking place in Baltimore as being criminal actions. I disagree with the arrests of people who at exercising their rights to protest. They should not be characterized as thugs or any other derogatory terms because it diminishes the legitimacy of their protest. 

On the other hand as a gay man, I am happy to see that marriage equality is upon us. However, that is just the first of many issues that needs to be addressed for the LGBT community. We need protections in employment and public accommodations. We also need greater protections for our transgender community. We need to decrease the racism, homophobia, Effemiphobia, and transphobia that occurs within the LGBT community.

Rioting to Effect Change

Rioting is a form of civil disobedience that has effected great change in America since its inception as a country.  The American Revolution started as a riot against Great Britain, which lead to the creation of the 13 colonies.  The Stonewall Riots lead to start of the Gay Rights Movement, which has lead to Marriage Equality. Now, we have Baltimore and the Black Lives Matter Movement. All of these are forms of political upheaval and civil obedience and all should be considered as equal and valid. Unfortunately, because Baltimore and the Black Lives Matter Movement are being lead and centered around Black people and people of color, it is negatively characterized. Their protest is legitimate. Their concerns are real. Their lives are equal to those in all other movements and should be treated as such. So the media, needs to check their language and not mischaracterize or delegitimize what is going. 

Where Do We Go From Here?

My hope is that once white gay men receive the right to get married that they do not stop supporting the gay rights movement until full equality and inclusion. It also my hope that all disenfranchised communities start seeing the commonalities in our movements. The Black Lives Matter movement needs the supporters of Maarriage Equality and the supporters of Marriage Equality need the supporters of Black Lives Matter. 

It is important that those at the center of the issue be centered. In your support of these movements, make sure that those that are at center, remain in the center and do not coopt the movement. Be in support but don't off center it. Let them speak for themselves and their lived experiences, and don't challenge it or delegitimize. Support it and emphatize. 

If we truly want their to be All Lives Matter we need to support each other's movements towards that central goal.

The riot in Baltimore is the same as the riot in Stonewall. When you get tired sometimes you have to throw a shoe and sometimes you have to throw a cinder block. 

I stand with Baltimore. I stand with Black Lives Matter. I stand with Marriage Equality. I encourage you to stand for the social change that is necessary to positive changes in all our lives and to not buy into the negative rhetoric and characterizations that are detracting away from the central issues that need to be addressed. 

Your always,

The B.G.M.

B.G.M. Discusses Bruce Jenner and the Need for More Transgender Discussion

Last Friday, Bruce Jenner discussed his gender transition to Diane Sawyer. The interview was viewed by 17 million people. I applaud Bruce Jenner for being public about his transition because it has sparked much needed conversations surrounding transgender people and issues.

I am a very big supporter of our transgender community because they are often thrown under the bus when it comes to the fight for equality. One of the main reasons is because they are not understood by most of society in a very different way than people who have a different sexual orientation. Let's be very very clear: THERE IS A DIFFFERANCE BETWEEN SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY! 

Sexual Orientation refers to who you are attracted to sexually and can also refer to which gender you are attracted to sexually and for romantic relationships. Gender identity refers to how do you perceive yourself in relationship between masculinity and femininity and how you outwardly present that to the world. Both of these characteristics are not choices. They are innate aspects of yourself. How you outwardly present those to world is up to you. Also both characteristics are fluid and along a spectrum. 

I felt that one of the strengths of the interview was that it presented the difference between the two constructs. Jenner stated that he/she, does not identify as gay. Too often people conflate sexual orientation and gender identity. Just because someone is transgender doesn't mean that they are attracted to a different gender than they were initially attracted to. Just because someone identifies as same sex oriented doesn't mean that they have a different gender identity. 

Jenner's interview has sparked a much needed discussion. We need to understand our transgender brothers and sisters and see that their humanity is equivalent to ours. We must know their unique situations and respond to them accordingly. Make sure that you address them by their preferred pronouns and don't misgender them. Ask appropriate questions from a place of wanting to better educate yourself and relatability rather than from a place of prying.

My hope is that this opens the door to greater transgender viability on all fronts. We need more transgender people in the media both from the real stories of their experience to the portrayals we see on film and television. Keep the conversation going because that is how we become a better society through understanding our commonalities and or individualities.

Yours Always,

The B.G.M.

B.G.M. Mourns the High Cost of Being an LGBT Activist

On April 21st, Nathan "Seven" Scott, a prominent LGBT activist, passed away. I did not know Nathan personally, but I am a big fan of his work!. I love his "We are the Media (WATM) videos. It brought the black gay male perspective on a variety of issues. Unfortunately, Nathan took his own life on April 21st. One of the reasons  that he cited about taking his own life was loneliness. Unfortunately, this has also been the reason why other LGBT activist have also taken their lives.

Once again, I want to make it clear that I did not know Nathan personally, so I don't want to speak directly for him or any of the other LGBT activists we have lost and whose work I admire. However, I do want to talk about the high costs of being an LGBT activist.

I consider myself to be an LGBT activist. In identifying myself as such, that means that I advocate and point out the injustices faced by the LGBT community and support efforts to increase the protections, benefits, and inclusion of the LGBT community in all spheres of our society. However, in doing this work, there is a high cost.

Checking my Privileges

Before I continue, I want to be sure to check my privileges. I think it is very important to check your privileges because it helps to situate your positionality and abilities. It is important for everyone to realize that our privileges enable us to do things that others cannot. By checking our privileges we understand our own position in society and we can arrive at a greater understanding of others in our society who do not share our privileges and bring them into new spaces where their voices can be heard and situated centrally!

I am a cisgender male. Therefore, I have male privilege. As such, my voice is often considered more than my transgender and female counterparts. I also have able privilege. I am not disabled which means that my voice is often considered above my disabled brothers and sisters. Also, my ableness provides me the mobility to be able to do certain things that others may not be able to. I also have educational privilege. I was able to attend multiple universities and receive multiple degrees and this has afforded me access to privileges that others unfortunately may not have access to for a variety of factors. The educational privileges of being degreed at the Masters level affords me the privilege of having my voice considered in ways that others who may have a better knowledge, awareness, and understand but because they are not educationally credentialed are not taking equally as my own.

It is important that I identify these privileges so that you know where I am coming from but also for society to take note about how our voices are considered and  the need for invitation to increase the inclusion and consideration of other voices.

The High Cost of Being an LGBT Activist

LGBT activism is not a high paying endeavor. Most people who are apart of the LGBT movement are not paid for their advocacy work. They often have to work a primary job to be able to sustain themselves and also support their activism efforts. If they do not have a steady job, they have to be supported in other ways to be able to advocate for our community. Therefore, if you are not apart of a large national organization with large resources, you are often funding your activism through your own resources and the resources of your supporters.

As we all know it is hard getting through life if we are unsupported. Without support it is hard to continue on with our work. It is especially hard for independent activists because they are having to balance their own personal needs with the needs of the community and utilizing their own resources to effect the change that we want to see.

Also, they bear the brunt of the attacks that we see from the opposition to equality. Our independent activists are attacked through the defamation and negativity by the opposition and even within our own communities. This negativity has caused us to loose many of our champions for equality and leaves us with a deficit.

Therefore, it is important that we support our independent activists. Given them encouragement to continue to fight in ways that we choose not to. Support them financially and emotionally. Utilize your resources to aide them in their important work. By doing so, you are contributing to the movement and advocating for your own rights.

So today, I mourn for Nathan "Seven" Scott and the countless others we have lost in LGBT movement to a lack of support. I also reaffirm my commitment to our independent, on the ground activists, whose actions are effecting the change we want to see in our communities and our world.

Please support our brothers and sisters who fight for equality on behalf of all of us!!

Yours always,
The BGM

B.G.M. Celebrates H.E.R.O.

On May 28, 2014, the Houston City Council passed the Houston Equal Rights, or H.E.R.O. The Ordinacne provides a local mechanism for protecting against discrimination in employment, housing, and public accomodations for 15 different classes.  These classes include:  sex, race, color, ethnicity, national origin, age, familial satus, marital status, religion, disability, sexual orientation, genetic information, gender identity, or pregnancy. It was a huge victory for everyone who comes from a marginalized population.  The passage of the Ordinance was due in large part to a collective effort accross different communities, working together, to urge the City Council to pass the Ordiannce.  I as proud to speak before the Council, twice, in support of the Ordinance. I was also there when the votes were cast and the Ordinance passed. It was an incredible feeling to see the fight for human rights in action, and to see the fruits of the labor that comes through advocacy and activism.

Unfortunately, after the Ordinance was passed, the Houston Area Pastors Council, under the leadership of Dave Welch, organized a petition drive to repeal the Ordinance and put it up to a citywide vote.  The opposition to the Ordinance circulated a petition that minsrepresented the Ordinance as a Bathroom Bill that would allow men to go into women's restrooms. When the opposition turned in their petitions, they claimed that they had obtained the necessary numbers to put the Ordinance on the November ballot.  Once again, supporters of the Ordinance came together and checked those signatures, and it became apparent that there were several irregularities with the peititons.  The City Secretary's Office returned with their official count, showing that the opposition did not achieve the necessary signatures.  In response, the opposition sued the City of Houston, Mayor Annise Parker, and City Secretary Anna Russell.

After months of testimony before a jury, challenges from both sides, and an official recounting of the signatures, this past Friday, Judge Robert Schaffer, ruled that the opposition did NOT meet the required number, and rules in favor of the City of Houston!

 HOUSTON FINALLY HAS A H.E.R.O.!!!!

THE NEXT STEPS

This is a major victory for the City of Houston and for Civil Rights for ALL people!

While we should definitely take the time to celebrate this victory, it is NOT over yet!  The opponents of the Ordinance plan to appeal the decision.  Therefore, we must continue to support the Ordinance by reporting cases of discrimination to the Office of Inspector General, so that they have documented cases attesting to the need of the Ordinance.  We must educate our communities and others about the importance of the Ordinance and the fact that it protects 15 classes of people.  We must dispel the myths and incorrect information related to the transgender community.  We must be the HEROes and continue the work until all of the challenges are done!

Also, we must ask those who are running for office, "Where do you stand on the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance?"  Ben Hall, who is currently running for Mayor of the City of Houston, has already spoken out against the Ordinance. He also stated that he would "dramatically alter the H.E.R.O. Ordinance," specifically againt the transgender community.

For someone who calls himself "Ben Hall for all" he is clearly NOT for all people. It is nobody's business what goes on in the restroom. There are NO cases of predatory behavior resulting from non-discrimination protections. What IS happening, is THIS:

I encourage you to NOT support Ben Hall, or any other politican who doesn't support equal rights for all people.

The fight conitnues and be sure to do your part!

The B.G.M.

B.G.M. Warns...Do Not Raise Your Children with Respectability Politics

One of the main reasons I have created this blog was to share my own experiences and for it to have an impact on this world. Well in this post I’m going to be very personal and very transparent. As you know from a previous post that I hate respectability politics, one of the primary reasons why is because I was raised with respectability politics.

I grew up in a small town called Lake Jackson, Texas. The population is not very diverse. My parents raised me to be an example to other black people. They would often tell me that I was a representative of them in everything I did. Now, I understand that children are a reflection of their parents, however, children are still individuals. I grew up primarily without being able to really craft or develop my own identity. My parents would pick out my clothes. I wasn’t permitted to bring home grades that were less than an A without being punished. I was supposed to behave in a “respectable manner” at all times. This meant that I had to speak perfect English at all times. In our home everything had to be immaculate, nothing out of place. My parents were very hypercritical of everything I did. Very rarely did they complement me or praise me for my achievements. The expectation was to be the best at all times.

Now, the problem with this respectability politics model of parenting is that I felt that I couldn’t be me. I couldn’t be gay because that was considered to be unrespectable. I couldn’t make any mistakes because I would be punished for such. I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I felt. My parents would immediately dismiss my feelings. I wasn’t allowed to go to counseling because they didn’t want people to know what was going on at home. I couldn’t share what was going on to other people because that would be telling folks “our business.”  On the outside, our family had earned the respectability of our community. On the inside, we weren’t a family. The warmth was not there. The support was not there. The love was not there.

Now that I am older, I am now realizing the effects of this respectability politics parenting has had on me. I am very much a perfectionist and I am afraid of making mistakes out of a fear of punishment or being perceived as being less than. I put my intelligence out there because I want people to respect that aspect of myself, but it hard for me to “turn it on or turn it off.” I don’t feel that I have to because my intelligence is very central and important to me, but it does make it hard for me to relax and let my hair down. It’s hard for me to open up to people because I didn’t learn how to do that growing up. I am very defensive of myself and my feelings because they weren’t reaffirmed or accepted but constantly challenged. I can be sensitive about criticisms or when people play the dozens with me because I was always getting criticized about everything about myself and never felt good enough. I hold on to people fiercely at times because of the fact that not many people in my family has stayed around when times got hard. I walk on eggshells because I learned that in order to successfully maneuver as a child that was what was required because if an egg cracked it would lead to punishment, neglect, or abandonment. Materialism was a very big thing growing up because my parents would think that because they bought something it would equate to love. The mantra would be “we provide you with a house over your head and all these things, why wouldn’t we do it if we didn’t love you.” However, just because you buy something doesn’t mean its love. Especially when you are guided by respectability politics and you want the community and the world to see the power of what successful black people can do. Often it was just for show and not about real love. For me that developed a certain level of materialism that can be present in my relationships. I often get very defensive when I don’t feel like I’m being heard because I would literally have to scream in order to be heard.

It’s funny, one of the things my dad would always say to me was that he was going to give “child abuse a whole new meaning.” I’m realizing that he did in fact succeed in doing that. My parents raised me on respectability politics and it really did a number on me.

I recognize this and I recognize that I have my issues that I am working on as a result of this. However, through this post what I hope that you realize is that we cannot raise children on a respectability politics model. Children need to be allowed to develop their individuality. They need to be able to express that individuality without fear of punishment or that you as a parent will not love them for who they truly are. Let your kids know that they are good enough, worthy enough, and are enough just by being themselves. If you don’t, and I am a testament to that, you can create anger, bitterness, and resentment.

I hope this provides a little more insight into me and where I’m coming from. I am a work in progress and a product of my environment. I refuse to let that child abuse stop me. However, understand this, people go through things in life. Nobody has the perfect life. Ask questions before you judge. Compassion is necessary and an incredible gift.

Thanks for reading,

The BGM

B.G.M.'s Weekend Review

This past weekend was a very busy weekend. 

I attended a candlelight vigil commemorating the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination.  The vigil was put on by the Black Heritage Society.  Ovide Duncantell, the CEO and founder of the Black Heritage Society, was instrumental in getting a statue of Martin Luther King in MacGregor Park. He also chained himself to a historic tree called the Tree of Hope, and prevented its removal from the park. Dr. King and Mr. Duncantell are great examples of the power of what we as people can do to truly impact change. It was good to be reminded that we can have a great impact on this world if we to be that change. 

 Another great event that I was able to attend was the Ray Hill Comedy Roast. Ray Hill is an activist and citizen provocateur who founded a radio program called “The Prison Show” which connected Texas prison inmates with their loved ones and friends through the airwaves. He was roasted by prominent civic leaders and public officials such as the Mayor of the City of Houston, Annise Parker, State Representative and current mayoral candidate Sylvester Turner, Harris County Democratic Party Chair, Lane Lewis, and Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee. It was great to see a diverse community come together and honor a man for the impact and inspiration that he provided for some many. Thank you Lane Lewis for the invitation.

Yesterday, I attended Bunnies on the Bayou which is an annual party/fundraiser, where the proceeds benefit community organizations support the LGBT community. It was fun being around my friends and seeing once again what a community can do if they come together in a spirit of positivity and for a good cause. Overall, it was a great busy weekend, and I encourage you to get out there, get involved, and be the change you want to see in this world.

 Until next weekend,
The B.G.M.

B.G.M. on Respectability Politics through Misgendering and Victim Shaming

B.G.M. on Respectability Politics through Misgendering and Victim Shaming

I hate respectability politics! This will be a running theme on my blog because respectability politics impacts how we view and relate with each other.

One way that we often see respectability politics in the media is when they describe individuals involved in incidents.  For example, yesterday in Fort Meade, Maryland there was a shooting at the National Security Agency.  The NSA police fired at a car that was reportedly stolen from a man partying at a nearby hotel.  The individuals involved in the shooting were described as “two men dressed in women’s clothing.”

It has been learned that one of the individuals, was not “a man in a dress” but a transgender woman.

However, after this realization several major media outlets continue to describe, Mya Hall, as “a man in a dress” and mention the fact that Hall had a prior criminal history.

Now, let me be clear, I am not condoning criminal activity. I am not suggesting that people should disobey the orders of law enforcement. What I am suggesting is that respectability politics is being used to demonize someone who cannot defend themselves, and has a bigger impact of demonizing the transgender community and more specific transgender people of color. 

Mya Hall has been identified by a member of the transgender community as being a transgender woman.  Therefore, media outlets should take the journalistic responsibility of characterizing her correctly. Misgendering is a form of respectability politics because it demeans who the transgender community is and delegitimizes their identity.

Also, there is no need to bring up a person’s past criminal behavior, especially if they do not have the ability to defend themselves. Often times when this is done by the media it is a way to devalue the person by characterizing them as a criminal and therefore worthy of punishment or death.

We have seen this same victim shaming in the cases of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, and many others who were killed by law enforcement. Instead of these individuals being seen as victims, any type of prior bad act is used to then characterize them as “less than perfect” and therefore not worthy of being viewed as “innocent” or a victim of a crime.

Once again, I am not condoning illegal activity. However, what I am suggesting is that we get away from the respectability politics that we use against each other in order to delegitimize each other’s humanity. Instead, let’s look at the facts of the case before we judge.

In Mya Hall’s case, we do not know what happened before she and her fellow passenger got into the car. We do not know what lead them to the NSA. They could have been in fear for their lives.  What we do know is that Mya Hall is dead. As such, she deserves to be addressed correctly and treated as an individual who has die, instead of being misgendered and characterized as a deviant criminal.

Just my take,

The BGM