BGM Seeks...The Journal of a Young Black Gay Male

BGM Remembers Luther Vandross

2011-04-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

April 20th, 2011 would have been Luther Vandross' 60th Birthday. We loss a very great man who gave us wonderful songs about love and human relationships. I personally feel a great connection to Luther's music, and I also think that Luther's music resonates greatly with black gay men. From our Secret Loves, to dealing with the houses that we grew up in that were not a home, to the desire to have that great relationship with our fathers and be able to dance with him again, to simply wanting to shine, Luther's music and legacy will live on through all of us. So here is a tribute to Luther on his 60th birthday, one of my favorite songs of his, Shine, and I hope that you all continue to shine and continue to live and stand in your truth and life.

Yours always,
BGM

BGM Reacts to Kobe Bryant and the Lakers PSA

2011-04-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Recently, Kobe Bryant called a referee "faggot" in response to an offensive foul charged against him. Today, Bryant was fined $100,000 by the NBA for the anti-gay slur. This incident has sparked debate amongst people. One side believes that Bryant merely said the term out of anger and quick-temperedness in response to a heated game. On the other side, people are enraged that he would use an anti-gay slur so freely. I for one think that it is wrong for anyone to use an anti-gay, or any type of derogatory slur in anger, and the use of the slur just continues its negative existence.

In response to the incident, the Lakers released a public service announcement in which Bryant and other members of the Lakers admonish that "Words can be hurtful." The video is included below.

I'M SORRY BUT THIS VIDEO IS BULLSHIT!!!!! If you look at the video, it seems that it was just thrown together the last minute, and was probably the after thought of the Lakers' publicity team trying to create a message to soften the negative publicity. If you also look at the faces of the players and Bryant it doesn't seem that they are genuinely engaged in conveying the message that words are hurtful, but merely doing this PSA because they were forced to. To me it sends even more of a negative message that the Lakers and Bryant do not realize the severity of the situation or the severity of discriminatory terms such as "faggot." Once again, I think this is bullshit, and I think it shows the need for more to be done then just providing lip service that "words are hurtful." If the Lakers would really like to do something about this, then donate to GLADD, put out a quality message, make it known that you truly support ending discrimination and derogatory terms.

See the video, share your thoughts, what do you think, is this genuine, or just plain BULLSHIT.

Yours always,
The BGM

BGM says Love is a Liability I can no longer afford!

2011-03-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody, if there is anyone out there lol.

It's the BGM and I'm back. Unfortunately, I have been inundated at my job and was not able to keep up with the blog. For those of you in the college admissions field, you know about something called Reading Season. It is the period when admission committees read and evaluate applications for admission. Well, I have just completed Reading Season, and let's face it after spending several hours reading applications it is hard to be able to write or have the energy to do anything else. Well now I'm done and I'm back, and trust me I have plenty to say.

Right now the thing that is on my mind is love and the nature of love. Love is a many splendid thing, or so many people would tell us or have to believe, but love can be very costly and very painful. Right now as I think about love, the primary thought that I have in my head on this subject is that love is a liability I can no longer afford. When I think about the pursuit of love, I find it to be very very costly. Now, in my life I can honestly say that love has been one of my biggest problems. I never really felt loved as a child, which has definitely caused considerable problems in my life. As a gay man I have had to deal with the issue of loving myself in a world that consistently tells me that I am evil and undeserving of love, and on top of that I have had to try to fine love amongst a very superficial gay dating scene. The result of all these pursuits of love have basically let me bankrupt. When I think of how much I have spent in terms of money, emotional capital, and of myself in the pursuit of love, I really feel that I have not gotten a big return on my investment. Frankily, that has me kinda pissed off. I feel very capable in my ability to love. I feel that I give a lot of love, but I have made a lot of bad investments in terms of love and that is with respect to family, friends, possible lovers. At this point, I am tired of investing and I am ready to just cut my losses and accept the reality that in this market its just going to be me, myself, and I.

BGM on Unrequited Love

2011-01-27T23:55:00.001-08:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm sorry for the delay in blogging. I've been extremely busy with work and school has started back up and I'm getting into the swing of that.

One of the issues I've dealt with a lot in my life up to this moment has been unrequited love. Unrequited love is love that is not returned. I've felt for most of my life that the love I have for individuals hasn't be returned in the same way. It started with the fact that I didn't feel loved by my family because I felt they didn't love me totally. Also, because we aren't a very affectionate family. For most of my relationships with men I have felt that way as well. I am currently finding myself in that same situation once again. I am in love with someone and that love is not returned. I have told this person about my feelings but its in limbo as to how they feel towards me. I just hate the fact that it always seems as if I love someone they will not love me back. Now I know all of this rests with me and I could just look the other way, but its hard to in matters of the heart to neglect your heart. It sucks people, it sucks.

BGM Focuses on Living Your Life for TODAY!!!

2011-01-11T23:26:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!

Sorry for the delay in posts, my job is in its very demanding stage right now and I'm getting adjusted to the schedule once again. Yesterday, one of my fraternity brothers, Nakita L. Brooks was laid to rest in Dallas. A group of my brothers, as well as my best friend, attended the service. They said it was one of the most beautiful services that they have every seen for a BGM. I am glad that he was honored, because we were all honored to have known him.

Unfortunately, during the past week there have been several people that I have had association with who have passed away. It has caused me to think about the nature of life and of time. Time is a very precious gift that we all have. We do not know how much time we have, and tomorrow is not promised to any of us. All we have is this moment, and it is important that we live our lives for TODAY and not for tomorrow. Now, let me clarify, I think it is very important to think about your future, and to work towards your future, but you need to utilize the time you have now to work towards that future. So with the time that you do have make sure you are using it to your best advantage to do the things that you want to do. Don't worry about other people's expectations of what they think you should be or do with YOUR time. It is your life, you must do what you want with it. So that means if you have that dream that you have been putting off because you weren't encouraged to pursuit it, go after it. If you hate your job, take the steps to go after that better job. If you have that crush, let them know, it just might lead to something more. If you hate doing something, STOP IT. Live your life, because you don't want to live this world with any regrets.

Also to that end, and I've said it many times through this blog, take the time to let those you love in your life know that you love them. Its funny how at funerals we see all these wonderful sprays of flowers for the person who departed, but if we had the chance to look throughout the course of their life we realize that they didn't receive that many flowers. Therefore, give the flowers to the person while they are alive to appreciate them. Make the mark on this world that you want to leave, because tomorrow is not promised.

To my Bro. Nakita, I thank you for the impact that you left on me. Thank you for always standing in your truth, showing me what a true BGM of faith looks like, and for always been a true example of brotherhood. F.I.T.T.O.B. forever.

To all of my readers of this blog, let me tell you that I love you just for being who you are, and for reading these words. I encourage you to continue to live your lives, stand in your truth, and keep moving forward and not regress backword.

Live Your Life TODAY, not for Tomorrow
BGM

BGM Starts the New Year

2011-01-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!

Happy New Year to all of you!!!! My New Year has started off a little bumpy, but I am still happy and focused to see what this year will bring. Unfortunately, this morning I have learned that one of my frat brothers, Nakita Brooks, has passed away. He was a very genuine person with a good heart and very committed to brotherhood and the ideals of Delta Phi Upsilon Fraternity Inc. My heart and prayers go out to his family, friends, and my fellow brothers of Delta Phi Upsilon Fraternity Inc. Already this year there have been some losses here in the GLBT community of Houston, and with family members of friends of mine. This just reminds me that we have to live each day to the fullest, take every time we can to tell those we care about that we love them and how we feel about them. Remember, life is not a dress rehearsal, and tomorrow is not promised.

Love to you all, peace and blessings!!
BGM

BGM Reflects on 2010...It KICKED MY ASS!!!!!!

2010-12-31T07:04:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Everyone!

First off let me apologize for the delay in posting, somethings came up and wasn't able to post, but the BGM is back on for the last day of 2010. I am reflecting on this past year and the number one thing I can say about 2010 is...IT KICKED MY ASS.

2010 was definitely one of the hardest years of my life, but it was also one of the years that taught me the most lessons. In terms of events that happened to me this year: I lost a fraternity brother (F.I.T.T.O.B. Apollo), went through several unfortunate situations, loved and lost at love several times, financial hardships, saw friends going through devastations, lost my drive and love for GLBT activism, and felt that I lost a lot of myself this year. Now that is all the negatives.

However, also in 2010, even though most of this happened towards the end of the year, I also experienced: forgiveness and reconnecting with my family, realizing my worth as an individual, realizing that I am capable of loving another and deserving of being loved, and that I am damn good at what I do. I also realized the power of saying "NO". It is definitely ok to say NO, especially if you feel that saying YES would cause you further harm, pain, and heartache.

So as I reflect on 2010, I realize that the year kicked my ass hard, but it also kicked my ass into high gear to make 2011 and every other year of my life to be the best that they are going to be. I invite you to share your reflections on 2010 and think about what went right and what went wrong.

I will leave you the motto that I have learned from this year: LIVE, LEARN, LET IT GO, MOVE ON! Let's leave all the negativity, old ineffective ways of doing things behind in 2010, and lets bring in positivity and renewal into 2011 and beyond.

Enjoy your New Years Eve!
BGM

HAPPY KWANZAA: Kujichagulia: Self-Determination

2010-12-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

HAPPY KWANZAA Everyone!

Today we celebrate the second principle of Kwanzaa: Kujichagulia: Self-Determination: to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

This is one of my favorite principles of Kwanzaa because for me it is about becoming ok with yourself and loving yourself. I think in this life we focus a lot on our faults and we are often told our faults, but we are not taught to love ourselves in spite of our faults, or to tell ourselves that we love ourselves. Its about realizing that we are beautiful, unique, and special just for being us. It is also about recognizing that each of us has something to contribute to this world, and that we need to utilize our gifts to our own advantage and to the advantage of others.

So today, I am defining and naming myself as the BGM, an openly proud black gay man who is intelligent, beautiful in my imperfections, a work in progress who is constantly getting better each and everyday, someone who sees the beauty in others, someone who works to make the world a better place, someone who is secure in himself, and loves himself fiercely.

I am creating for myself a blog where we can come together and share our experiences, a space for me to vent my frustrations, and a place for me to promote unity and self-determination. I am also creating a future for myself through my education, my job, and my other pursuits.

I am speaking my truth, my views, and using my voice to combat homophobia, racism, and discrimination. I am going to use my voice to help others and to encourage others to find their voice.

So today, I encourage you to think about yourself. What defines you? What is your name for yourself? What are you creating for yourself? How are you using your voice? Let's all walk in our self-determination and inspire others to find theirs.

Happy Kwanzaa!!!
BGM

BGM on BAD BEHAVIOR

2010-12-27T20:21:00.001-08:00

I don't like BAD BEHAVIOR. When I talk about BAD BEHAVIOR I'm referring to when people violate the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think we as a society have forgotten that basic rule. When we are down on our luck we do not want someone to come upon us and further cause us pain, or kick us further down. When we tell people about our dislikes, we do not want them to purposefully do things that we don't like. When we give our hearts to someone and we are open and honest about our feelings, we do not want them to crush us, lie to us, or cheat on us.

The result of BAD BEHAVIOR is sadness, pain, hurt, and it can lead to bitterness.

Lately, I have seen BAD BEHAVIOR especially within the realm of personal relationships. Two of my closest friends have recently experienced other people's bad behavior. My best friend, just today, caught his boyfriend in the mall with another guy. His now ex-boyfriend had told him that they couldn't spend the day together because he had work conflicts. Now imagine to my best friend's surprise when he sees his boyfriend with this other guy. Now when the ex-boyfriend sees my best friend, he doesn't wave Hi, he doesn't go over to him and offer some explanation, he just simply looks down and keeps moving. Later, he doesn't even contact my best friend to provide some explanation. See, this is BAD BEHAVIOR. Would you want someone to lie to you? Would want someone who you care about and chose to engage in a relationship with to be spending time with someone else over you? If your answer to these two questions is NO, then why would you do it to someone else, especially someone you care about.

My other friend, she was dumped by her girlfriend when the girlfriend decided that she was not over her previous girlfriend and decided she wanted to go back to her old girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend's previous girlfriend called her the day before a holiday and told her that she didn't want her dating my friend and wanted her back. Keep in mind that the ex-girlfriend was the one who initiated the relationship, and the one who progressed the relationship to get feelings involved. Now, if you were receiving love from someone who was freely giving their love to you, and saying I want to be with YOU, i love YOU, i care about YOU, how would you feel without any warning or explanation find yourself without that love because someone suddenly decided that You weren't the one. BAD BEHAVIOR. You wouldn't want that to happen to you, so don't do it to someone else.

To my closest friends and to those of you have experienced BAD BEHAVIOR in terms of relationships, I say, your better off without them. If someone truly values and cares for you they will not perform acts of BAD BEHAVIOR towards you. They would value you and the relationship that you have together and be up front and honest about their feelings.

To the rest of the world I urge you to work on your BAD BEHAVIOR. If your interest change in terms of a relationship with someone, TELL THEM. Don't cheat on them, don't lie to them, don't use them for what they can provide you and then throw them away like garbage. Would you want someone to do that to you? If you said NO, then don't do it.

If we could all abide by the Golden Rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," this world would be a much happier, better place, with a lot less wounds.

Let me know what you think, or share your BAD BEHAVIOR stories.

Yours always, standing in his truth.
BGM

BGM Mourns the Passing of the Ivory Queen of Soul: TEENA MARIE

2010-12-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

Today, I like everyone else was saddened and shocked to hear of the passing of Teena Marie. The Ivory Queen of Soul was found dead in her bedroom by her daughter. She had suffered a grand mal stroke a few weeks ago, but currently the cause of death is still unknown. This is truly a great lost to the music world and to society in general.

Personally, I am a big fan of Teena Marie. I love her music. I Need Your Lovin, Square Biz, Lovergirl, Fire and Desire with Rick James were all songs I jammed to when I was growing up and still to this day. My heart and prayers go out to her family as they deal with this lost. As I remember Teena Marie, I encourage you to also listen to her music and remember the emotions that her powerful voice generated for you. One of my favorite songs of her's was her cut of the Rolls Royce song "Wishing on a Star." I have posted it for your enjoyment and in memory of Teena Marie.

BGM Answers the Question: Can Black Gay Males Be Committed and Not Live Together?

2010-12-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!

First, I would like to thank Eric Birdline for submitting this question. I want this to be a forum for people to ask questions and learn from one another's experience, so thank you Eric for starting it off.

He asked the question: Can Black Gay Males be committed and NOT live together?

My answer is ABSOLUTELY. I truly believe that two black gay males can be committed to each other while not living together. What I think has to happen in order for this to work is both guys have to be COMMITTED to the relationship and to each other. There has to be trust and understanding that both people are going to be open and honest with each other and honor their relationship. If the trust and commitment between and to each other is not present then the relationship is doom to failure. I mean how are you going to trust someone to be faithful if your not there, if you can't trust them to begin with.

A relationship between two men doesn't have to involve that you guys are around each other or communicating with each other 24/7. There has to be that trust between each other that, it is you and him, and not you and him, and him and him.

So to my black gay brothers out there, if you want to be in relationship and have your space at the same time, you can have both, just make sure you are bringing trust and commitment to the table.

Let me know your thoughts about this topic, by commenting, and also feel free to send your comments.

Yours always, standing in my truth.
BGM

BGM Presents "The 30 Most AMAZING Things About Me"

2010-12-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!

I attend a monthly gathering called Brother 2 Brother Live. It is a gathering of African American Same Gender Loving men who come together, talk, and fellowship. Earlier this year one of the topics was "The 30 Most Amazing Things About Me," and we each answered the following questions about ourselves. I think too often we focus on the negatives about ourselves. I know for the longest that was the only thing I would focus on myself. One of the promises I made to myself for this next year is that I am going to focus and enhance on my positives, and forgive and work on my negatives. I have found that these questions have helped me, and I invite you to answer the questions as well to discover the 30 Most AMAZING Things About yourself.

1. I am special because of my ability to...

My ability to persevere and channel my experiences into positive actions.

2. The biggest negative in my life that I've been able to turn into a positive is...

Being raped at 21, and now I am able to speak about it and help others who have experienced rape.

3. The most unique aspect of my emotional make-up is....

I am very empathetic and compassionate.

4. I am at my best when I am.....

Working towards change and advancement.

5. I am damn good at....

My job.

6. The time that I gave more than I expected without the expectation of something in return was when....

I've done that more than once, and I'm still doing that.

7. The most physically attractive thing about me is...

My eyes.

8. The most emotionally attractive thing about me is....

My compassion.

9. The sexiest thing about me is...

My intelligence.

10. I'm good to be around because...

I like to have fun and make jokes.

11. Nobody can touch me when it comes to...

My intelligence.

12. I've grown by leaps in bound in...

My ability to forgive and move on. (Still a work in progress, but definitely grown)

13. I am a damn good man because...

I am loyal, honest, a good provider, and giving.

14. I am worth people's time and energy because.

I am a very good friend and do my best to help.

15. What I have to say is important to consider because...

I am try to think about what is in your best interest.

16. When I leave a room and people's presence I leave...

With you being better having met and known me.

17. I am best remembered for...

My intelligence and good nature.

18. I have demonstrated integrity over image when...

Just the way I live. I believe in integrity over image.

19. The best decision I've ever made concerning a relation was...

Letting a relationship go because it was being toxic to my well-being.

20. The best words of encouragement I've ever given was...

Do you, cause I'm a do me.

21. The most important thing about life that I have learned up to this point is...

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

22. The most important thing I know about myself at this point in my life is.

I am a beautiful work in progress.

23. People can feel comfortable trusting me because...

I am a trustworthy person.

24. I expect to accomplish this within the next year...

I expect to go to graduate school for my Masters in Education degree.

25. I demonstrate love for myself by...

Forgiving myself.

26. The single most defining moent n my lie is when I decided...

To take my life back and start healing myself.

27. My proudest moment came when...

I graduated from Rice University!

28. What I know without a doubt about myself is that...

I am a GREAT person.

29. I used to be ashamed of...but not anymore.

My body.

30. My manhood is founded on...

I am comfortable with myself, and I am true to myself.

Those are my 30 most AMAZING things...What's yours. Please share, and please do this.

Remember you are AMAZING.
BGM

HAPPY KWANZAA

2010-12-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

Today is the First Day of Kwanzaa!!!

Kwanzaa was created to introduce and reinforce seven basic values of African culture which contribute to building and reinforcing family, community and culture among Arican American people as well as Africans throughout the world African community. These values are called the Nguzo Saba which in Swahili means the Seven Principles. Developed by Dr. Maulana Karenga, the Nguzo Saba stand at the heart of the origin and meaning of Kwanzaa, for it is these values which are not only the building blocks for community but also serve to reinforce and enhance them.

The first principle is Umoja which means Unity.

Today, I am going to celebrate and strive for unity in my community, specifically the African American GLBT community in Houston, Texas. Umoja is something that is very much needed in our community. We have one of the highest rates of HIV/AIDS in the U.S. and it is a problem for all of us. We need to come together and collectively fight this battle together. We need to treat our brothers and sisters with HIV/AIDS with the love and respect that they need and deserve. We need to prevent more of our brothers and sisters from becoming infective. So, today I pledge to aide in this unity and to strive towards more unity within our community.

I invite all of you to celebrate each day of Kwanzaa with me, by pledging to strive towards these principles and implementing them into your life.

HAPPY KWANZAA
BGM

BGM Has a Merry Christmas and Looking Forward to a New Year

2010-12-26T09:57:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone and Hope You Had a Merry Christmas!

My Christmas was the most amazing Christmas I have had in several years. For those of you who don't know, I have had a very rocky relationship with my family for the past seven years since my mom passed away. I haven't spent the night in my hometown home since then, and I did for the first time this past Christmas. I made a promise to myself that one of the things I wanted to work on in the coming year was the relationship that I have with my family. My dad and I had a heart to heart conversation where we both promised to leave the past in the past and move forward. During that night it felt that we did just that, and we laughed, remembered good times, and it was just a very loving experience. Christmas morning we exchanged gifts, prayed, and visited other family members. I saw my mom's side of the family for the first time in seven years and it was great to see all of them and see my younger cousins. I felt truly blessed by the experience to have that sense of family once again. So, my advice to you out there when it comes to your family is to seek a reconnection with them, but make sure that your terms are clearly established. You have to feel comfortable with yourself, and be in an environment that is going to be nurturing and supportive of you, and I'm glad that I was able to feel that for the first time in a long time with mine family.

I felt that this was a great first step in my new year. I am looking forward to a new year to wipe the slate of 2010, because it was a very very rough year for me, but with this past Christmas I am very hopeful for the coming new year. You'll hear all about the changes I hope to make in a later post. I wish all of you peace, blessings and happiness as my Christmas gift to all of you.

Merry Christmas
BGM

SAME BLOG, NEW APPROACH

2010-12-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone!

The BGM here. You will notice that my blog has undergone some changes. I decided to delete all of my previous blog posts and redesign the blog, both from a design aspect as well as from a perspective standpoint. I have always intended this blog to be my space to comment on issues related to my experiences as being a black gay man living in America. I wanted this blog to be a place where I could express my thoughts and opinions about current issues affecting our society. A place where I can share the experiences I am going through to help others with similar experiences. A place where I can provide information related to the black gay experience. Well, this blog will remain to be all of that, but I have changed a lot, especially during this year. I have undergone a very big change in my life and how I approach my life. I want this to be a more positive space then it was previously before. I want to share some of my poetry and other projects that I am working on.

So, I am making this promise. This blog will be a place for you to come into my world, and for me to share my world with you. Comment, PLEASE! Share your experiences with me. I'm going to include video as well. So, BGM Seeks...The Journal of a Young Black Gay Man is BACK!!!! It's the same blog, but there will be some different approaches. I encourage you to also take a different approach in your life. If you feel that you are negative, try to approach things more positively. If you think you are timid, try to be more bold and daring. So, I am very happy to be blogging again, and look forward to seeing where this new approach will take me and all of you.

Yours always,
BGM