BGM says Love is a Liability I can no longer afford!

Hello Everybody, if there is anyone out there lol.

It's the BGM and I'm back. Unfortunately, I have been inundated at my job and was not able to keep up with the blog. For those of you in the college admissions field, you know about something called Reading Season. It is the period when admission committees read and evaluate applications for admission. Well, I have just completed Reading Season, and let's face it after spending several hours reading applications it is hard to be able to write or have the energy to do anything else. Well now I'm done and I'm back, and trust me I have plenty to say.

Right now the thing that is on my mind is love and the nature of love. Love is a many splendid thing, or so many people would tell us or have to believe, but love can be very costly and very painful. Right now as I think about love, the primary thought that I have in my head on this subject is that love is a liability I can no longer afford. When I think about the pursuit of love, I find it to be very very costly. Now, in my life I can honestly say that love has been one of my biggest problems. I never really felt loved as a child, which has definitely caused considerable problems in my life. As a gay man I have had to deal with the issue of loving myself in a world that consistently tells me that I am evil and undeserving of love, and on top of that I have had to try to fine love amongst a very superficial gay dating scene. The result of all these pursuits of love have basically let me bankrupt. When I think of how much I have spent in terms of money, emotional capital, and of myself in the pursuit of love, I really feel that I have not gotten a big return on my investment. Frankily, that has me kinda pissed off. I feel very capable in my ability to love. I feel that I give a lot of love, but I have made a lot of bad investments in terms of love and that is with respect to family, friends, possible lovers. At this point, I am tired of investing and I am ready to just cut my losses and accept the reality that in this market its just going to be me, myself, and I.