Vogue Evolution: America's Best Dance Crew

I am a fan of America's Best Dance Crew on MTV. I am especially excited about this season because it features the first all openly gay crew: Vogue Evolution. They are bringing voguing from the underground ball scene, into the light for the rest of the world. They have survived now to week three of the competition, and continue to bring it with every performance. They are breaking barriers by bringing voguing to the cultural landscape, as well as breaking barriers by providing visual positive images of minority gay people. I'm voting for Vogue Evolution every week, I encourage you to support this group, and continue supporting the creative expression of our community and culture. Here is a little taste of Vogue Evolution, watch the show on MTV, Sunday nights at 8PM Central.

Reflection of a BGM

Hey Everyone!!!!

This weekend I have had the opportunity to reflect on a lot of things, and one of the big things that I have thought a lot about recently is love and the nature of love, and why people seek love so badly. Let's face it love is a drug, its one that we can get hooked on, addicted to, and want so so badly that we are almost willing to do anything for it. I mean we all want that feeling, to know that in this world we are not living it alone, that we truly have someone who wants to be in our life and who wants us to be in theirs in return. Some of us go to great links to find love, from spending thousands of dollars on matchmakers to find that perfect match, to hours on end on social networking sites in the hope that we make that connection, to being in the club dressed to nines in order to get that attraction from the other person. However, when these efforts prove unsuccessful, you're left with that void, that feeling of miss love, so some of us do things in order to fill that void, and some of those things can be productive, but often times they prove not to be.

For me specifically, I've thought about my life, love, and the people in my life, and the problem that I am realizing that I am encountering in my life is that for a very very very long time I felt that no one truly loved me for me, or barely even know that I was alive. Growing up in the small area that I lived, I felt extremely different, that different feeling could be traced back to my sexual orientation, but I think my difference was way more then that. So even though I stuck out, sticking out there was not a good thing, and I was ostricized. Unfortunately, my parents were not the very supportive and nurturing types so I felt even more alone when I was at home, so it felt like I had really no outlet or support or love, and lets face it it can be hard to develop self-love when you feel that no one gives a damn. I am a very giving person, if I can help, I try my best to. My parents would always question my friends and tell me that the only reason that they were my friends was because of what I could give them, and that they wanted what I had. Needless to say this instilled in me a lack of trust in people, and made me question their motivations. However, the sad truth about that is often times it proves to be true. Then I developed cancer and it seemed as if everyone all of a sudden had started to care. My parents were supportive, I was no longer this social outcast. Its just sad that it took that, and for me thats been one of the sadder points in my life is the fact that it seems I have to be taken to the edge of everything from life, death, sanity, for people to care, when why is it that they just can't seem to care when I'm just the normal me.

Thats one of the reasons why I hate going to clubs, to me going to a club is fun when your with a group of friends, GOOD FRIENDS mind you, but other times it seems to competitive, with people judging one another, and then your left their feeling out of the bunch when everyone has a dance partner and your the one alone, no prospects, noattraction, just you the wallflower at the school dance.

I think I am at the point in my life where I am developing more self-awareness and self-love for myself, but sometimes you have to reflect on your past to think about why you are the way that you are, and recognizing those things is the first step towards change. My hope is now that I have recognized these things in my life that I remain steadfast in changing them. We'll see.

Just a rambling reflection from the BGM.

BGM REVIEWS....FROM TOP TO BOTTOM by Michael-Christopher

I just finished Michael-Christopher's book From Top to Bottom, and I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!

The book is about the negotiation of sex positions within African American same gender loving relationships. I found the book to be very inciteful and clearly demonstrated several of the attitudes that African American same gender loving men attach to the sexual positions they perform in the bedroom, and also the difficulty of reversing those roles within relationships. The book has a variety of characters across the gay spectrum, I feel that readers will be able to connect to there own experiences with this subject matter and come away with thinking about their own preconceived notions about what it means to be a top, bottom, or versatile.

On a personal note, one of the things that I would really like to see us as a community start to get away from is the association of masculinity with a particular sexual position. Just because a person is more masculine doesn't make them a top, just because a person is more feminine doesn't make them a bottom, and just because a person is versatile doesn't automatically make them a bottom, or like one given position over the other. What you like to do in the bedroom is all about your particular preferences and what excites you, it shouldn't speak to your masculinity. The bottom line is we are men who have sex with men, just because one person is the top and the other is a bottom doesn't validate or invalidate the masculinity of the person in that particular role. However, I think too often within our community we assign masculinity to a person given their particular sexual role, and to do that creates a gross mischaracterization between sexuality and masculinity.

I invite you to pick up this book and think about your own relationships and your own desires. I feel this book can help you come to understand what it is that you want and how to negotiate it with your potential partner.

This BGM gives this book a 5/5. It is available through Michael-Christopher's publishing company MC Books http://www.michael-christopher.com/, and you can also purchase it through Amazon. Let's continue to support the work of our brothers and sisters telling our stories.

Remember your beautiful and your worth it.

BGM

MISS CALIFORNIA...YOU BITCH

Hello Everyone, I know long time no hear. I had to comment on what I saw last night, and what I know a lot of people have been talking about today.

Last night was the Miss USA pageant. During the Q & A portion, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was given her question by Perez Hilton. Perez asked Miss California about her thoughts about Vermont becoming the fourth state to legalize gay marriage, and should other states fall suit. Miss California response started off great when she stated she was glad she lived in a country where we could choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage. However, the problem several people have is when she stated, "In MY country, and in my family a marriage should be between a man and a woman."

Now, I have a couple of problems with this. First off, her emphasis of in MY country. I'm sorry but if you are going to be a representative of the USA, then please do not refer to the USA as YOUR country. She would have been better off just saying she enjoys living in a country where we have a choice, however, when she goes on to emphasize a belief that people in this country should subscribe to heterosexual marriage, then we have a definite problem.

Secondly, she represents exactly why Prop 8. passed in California. I guess she is representative of the state given Prop 8.

We'll I am glad she lost out to Miss North Carolina, because I do not want another representative of our country to be a person spouting a bigot understanding of marriage. Marriage should be a choice whether gay or straight. Not everyone wants to be married, but we should all have the right to choice. Also, straights have not upheld that marriage is such a sacred institution. Look at the divorce rate. So Miss California...YOU BITCH...You got what you deserve. NOT TO BE MISS USA.

BGM

BGM'S MESSAGE AND POEM

I am so tired. I am so tired of a lot of things right now. I am so tired that I keep getting off track and losing myself to so many things. I am tired of being disrespect by people and not having my efforts and contributions to things being ignored, disregarded, disrespected, or deemed insignificant. I am tired of disregarding my own self for other people. I am tired of having my past be used against me. I have changed since then, and I am not allowing the new BGM to flourish, instead I am allowing the old BGM to drown the new one, and allowing people's perceptions of me.

BGM HAS HIMSELF!!!!

Hey Everyone!!!!

I know this is a late night post, but I just got off the phone with someone who claimed they wanted to be in a relationship with me, and who claimed that they loved me. We started to talk about my upbringing and this individual called me every evil name that he could possible think of. He claimed that I was an "Uncle Tom" "not proud to be white" "sell out" "kissing the white mans ass" and all sorts of evil thing. He also told me that he was talking to other people and that I was a disgraced to the black race. This evil tirade lasted for about an hour, and you know what I actually listened on the phone.

The interesting thing is I came away from the whole ordeal smiling.

The reason for why I am smiling about the whole ordeal is because I am still here, and because I realized that I have enough pride in myself to withstand all of that. I have been called all sorts of names my entire life from all sorts of people including my family. People who have tried to make me ashame of who I am. People who have tried to make me ashame of the way I look. People who have tried to make me feel bad about myself. But you know what I realized that I am strong enough to withstand all of that. I have a strong support system of friends who love me for me. I have family members who love me for me. And most of all, I have me, and I love me flaws and all, and I'm only going to accept someone who loves me flaws and all.

I am a proud black gay man who loves all the aspects of myself. I am proud to be black and to come from a heritage that has built this country to what it is, who has worked hard their entire life to see fit that myself and other black people can achieve our greatness no matter what society or even our fellow black people say about what we are capable of doing. I am proud to be gay, to proclaim that I want and love men, and fully believe that the right man is out there for me and I will find him someday, it may take me awhile but you know what the right one is out there for me to love and who will love me for me. I am proud to be a man because I stand tall and proud for what I believe in. I defend those who are in my life, and I defend those who also suffer the same injustices that I do and I fight so that we can all become better, because we all have one life to live and we have to live that life to the best of our abilities.

If that means that I have to take on every hater out there who hates me because of who I am, hates me because of what I am, hates me because of the way I look, hates you for who you are, hates you for what you are, and hates you because of the way you look. I will gladly take those bullets, because tonight has proven to me that I can take those bullets and still stand proud, tall, and be here, because the BGM is going to be just that. Black Gay and Male, and for those who love me, I love you back, and for those who don't I love you too, I wish you well, but guess what, you are NOT going to stand in my way of being me. And you are not going to stand in the way of all of us being who we are.

STAND IN YOUR TRUTH. BE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF.
BGM.

BGM Talks about Grey's Anatomy

One of my favorite television shows is Grey's Anatomy, and no other show has had a turbulant relationship when it comes to the GLBT community. Who can forget Isiasiah Washington denouncing claims that he called gay actor T.R. Knight a faggot on the set during the show's Golden Globe Press Interview. This incident resulted in Washington being fired from the show. For me that is a separate issue because I personally believe that Washington did not say those things and is not prejudice against gays. (If you haven't please watch the movie Get on the Bus in which Washington portrays one of the best portrayals of a black homosexual character). In any case, Grey's has in my opinion shown some of the best portrayals of the issues with respect to the GLBT Community. Last season I was touched by an episode in which a soldier in the Army was being treated for brain tumor and his lover and fellow soldier showed up to be there to support him and they shared an intimate kiss but unfortunately were found by the patient's homophobic father. It dealt with the issue that several of us deal with with respect to gays serving in the military and also with respect to us being there for our loved ones in the hospital when the law doesn't give us the right. Another episode I was touched by was a transgendered male who going through issues with his reassignment surgery and the issues he had with his wife who was trying to stand by his wishes.

Last night, Grey's Anatomy once again touched on an emotional issue that we in the GLBT community have all faced at one point or another: the first realization of our sexuality. Currently, there is a lesbian storyline on Grey's which involve Dr. Callie Torres (played by Sara Ramirez) and Dr. Erica Hahn (played by Brooke Smith) in which the two women are engaging in a relationship but both have not previously had relationships or sexual encounters with other women. Last night, the two had sex for the first time. Dr. Hahn's character described the experience as "needing glasses." She went on to explain how she wasn't able to see clearly and had headaches until she went to the doctor and they prescribed glasses. Afterwards she was able to see for the first time and recognize what was in front of her. She said the experience of being with Callie finally allowed her to see what was in front of her the entire time that she was gay. The scene was very emotional and one that I could clearly identify with. When I first realized my attraction to men, and that there was a word for it, "gay" I couldn't believe it. It was emotional, it was scary, i finally felt that all those feelings I thought were weird were gone and I had come into a true realization about who I am. I think we all in the GLBT community and even in the straight community can identify with this scene when it comes to coming into a realization about yourself that you knew existed but never knew that it had a name or that others had experienced the same thing.

I praise Grey's Anatomy for portraying our experiences as GLBT people and encourage you to watch this great show. I also encourage all of you to realize who you are and come into your truth no matter what it is.

BGM